Saturday, April 18, 2015

No More Moderator Hats!

I am a *People Pleaser* and very sensitive.  A rigid mold I have been chipping away at for most of my life.  My ability to understand complex stuff and try to help with simplified solutions has made me don the Moderator hat many times online.  Wearing that hat seems to invite negative opinions of me and personal attacks too often for my sensitive nature.  I do not enjoy confrontation and prefer to avoid people who do not care for me or my feelings.  Confrontation only brings Stress for everyone involved. 

There is a saying that you can only be as happy as your least happy child.  I found this very true for me and it made me miserable for many years.   Now I am focusing on my own needs first and trying not to *fix* everything for them.  Like a glutton for punishment, I still continue to try to *fix* everything for total strangers online.

Our older son soon to be 36 distanced himself since the age of 17 when he came out as gay.  He may have been distancing himself his whole life emotionally but that was the turning point of distancing himself physically as well.   I felt very rejected by him and it hurt. He was very pleasant in his last visit bringing his nice new boyfriend to meet us before they went to see a show in a nearby town.  However, he also stopped by with his tax information because his dad was going to do his taxes for him.  (I am not kidding myself, the visit was probably more for getting his taxes done than meeting his boyfriend based on son's previous behavior)  He seemed much happier than he has been in years and I hope the relationship lasts if both are happy in it.

Soon after our son came out, I quit my job of 22 years and discovered the internet.  I started searching for other parents who had a gay child and before I knew it, I had created and was moderating a support group for all of us.   Then it happened,  a manipulative personality decided to cause confrontations and one thing led to another.  For my own emotional survival, I gave up being the moderator of the group I had created.   Some became so nasty, I completely quit the group.  I was deeply depressed from this series of events and then discovered how much regular exercise could help my physical and emotional well-being after seeing a TaeBo infomercial.  

Since then I have been active on various online groups with video workouts as the focus.  I avoided anyone who seemed to be looking for an easy target to vent their negative feelings on.  It seemed like I wore a sign *Kick Me* cuz I will not kick back.   Still being the glutton for punishment, I became a Moderator on WellVideo.   After the third difficult encounter, I decided I was *Out* as Moderator and quit the capacity and hit a 4th negative encounter on the way out.  What have I learned?  I have learned to not put myself in this kind of position ever again.  I still love WellVideo and many people with whom I have connected and will offer advice to people who seem to want it  but will carefully slam the door shut on those who like to make doormats out of *People Pleasers*.

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